Short version: With a global, all‑in build (sunny as heck), a maglev‑vacuum mass driver can fling 1–10 ton “ice bullets” and metal dumplings to near‑orbital speed using ~30–100 km of evacuated track at 50–100 g. A tiny onboard trim (or an orbital catcher that does regen braking) finishes the job. It’s safe, repetitive, boring‑on‑purpose—and it turns cheap sunlight into cheap mass in space.

0) Why this works beautifully for water and metal

• They don’t mind g‑loads. Freeze water → no slosh. Cast metal → no squish. 50–100 g is fine when your payload is a stoic potato.
• They love ablators. An ice or graphite nose‑cap happily eats the brief atmospheric nibble at the muzzle exit.
• They’re useful on arrival. Water becomes propellant, life support, or radiation shielding. Metal becomes structure, tanks, and tools. No fancy handling required.

1) Projectiles: “Ice Bullets” & “Metal Dumplings”

2) The Yeet Machine (optimized for bulk)

We choose the shortest sane tube by embracing cargo‑class g‑loads. Track length from s = v²/(2a) (v at exit, a = g·9.81):

Geometry: equatorial highland site with a gently up‑tilted evacuated “snout” and an ocean corridor downrange. The last kilometers of tube set the flight‑path angle so the dart meets as little air as possible at the muzzle.

3) Energy & power per shot (so we size the spin‑farms)

Peak power is why we use flywheel spin‑farms/SMES/cap banks: charge slowly from solar/wind; dump cleanly in seconds; regen on abort.

4) Orbital capture without drama

• LEO Catcher Ring: a circular station at ~400–500 km with eddy‑current capture lanes. Your dart’s conductive band induces currents in segmented rails → magnetic drag → gentle capture. The ring’s flywheels slurp the energy (regenerative braking), then re‑use it for station power or the next launch window.
• Matching trick: the gun fires only when ballistic timing gives <100 m/s relative velocity to the catcher. Tiny dispersions corrected by the ring’s magnetic trim fields.
• Plan B: if a dart is off, the catcher refuses the pass; the dart’s destruct package converts it to confetti that burns up in a controlled corridor. No Kessler glitter.

5) What we ship and where it goes

6) Safety, stability, and “boring on purpose”

• Non‑touch everything: maglev levitation, vacuum tube, jerk‑limited force profiles. Touchdown bearings only for emergencies.
• Ocean corridor: misfires splash, not populate orbits. Automated no‑go rules: no shot if any tracked object traverses the corridor.
• Thermal sanity at muzzle: burst disk, plasma curtain to scavenge residual gas, cooled sabot sleeves. No unplanned thunder.
• Destruct hygiene: if a dart strays, onboard charges puff it into high‑area fragments that ablate in a predictable footprint.
• Energy recovery: aborts → coils soft‑brake → power flows back to buffers. Sparks are for birthday cakes.

7) Global, perfected, sunny build (unlimited resources edition)

• Sites: 3–5 equatorial highland launch campuses with ocean downrange (Africa, Pacific, S. America). Each campus runs 2–4 parallel tubes (50–100 g class) for resilience and cadence.
• Power: multi‑GW PV + wind belts with HVDC spines, feeding cavernous spin‑farms (flywheels/SMES). Night shots run on stored sun.
• Throughput: network target >1 Mt/year bulk mass to LEO/cislunar. Rockets focus on people & precision kit; the Yeetwork does tonnage.
• Ops & standards: aviation‑grade scheduling, keep‑out cones, weather/ionosphere checks, and a control room that’s criminally calm.

8) FAQs you were going to ask anyway

• Humans? No. 50–100 g is a hard “nope.” Put people on rockets and give them snacks.
• Noise? Inside the tube: quiet. At the muzzle: more “thump” than “boom.” Most energy is electromagnetic, not chemical.
• Weather? The tube doesn’t care; only the muzzle cares. Shots slip a bit for crosswinds; most go regardless.
• Cost? Energy is cheap sunlight; the capital is the elephant. But amortized over megatons, the elephant learns to dance.

9) Bottom line (and the laugh)

Optimized reality: For water and metal, this is not sci‑fi—it’s good civil engineering. Build short‑but‑strong tubes, let magnets and vacuum do polite violence, catch with magnets again, and recycle the energy.

Load the yeet machine. Ice up the barrels. Cast the dumplings. The Sun will pay the bill—and space will set the table.