Divide (Isolation & Triangulation)

Divide (Isolation & Triangulation)

Divide (Isolation & Triangulation)

Attack Type

Divide aims to separate you from allies, truth, and context until you stand alone and easier to move. The tactic often arrives as whispers—“They said…”, backchannel messages, or secret side‑conversations that force you to respond without the full picture. The cure is structural: collapse triangles, restore shared reality, and keep decisions in the open.

Table of Contents

  1. 1. Why Divide Works (and how naming it restores power)
  2. 2. Recognition: Signals & Setups
  3. 3. Field Stories (Clinic, Team, Family)
  4. 4. Defense Protocol — Collapse the Triangle
  5. 5. Boundary Scripts (ready to copy)
  6. 6. Five‑Minute Reset (Heart‑Anchor)
  7. 7. Prevention Structures (Norms, Roles, Rhythm)
  8. 8. Templates: Shared Thread & Decision Recap
  9. 9. Mediation & Escalation Ladder
  10. 10. Metrics (Are we drifting apart?)
  11. 11. Pitfalls & Edge Cases
  12. 12. Integrations with the Handbook
  13. 13. FAQs
  14. 14. Closing: Keep the Circle Whole

1. Why Divide Works (and how naming it restores power)

Divide thrives on asymmetric information and emotional velocity. When you only hear one side, your nervous system rushes to protect, fix, or defend. By the time the other side appears, you’ve already spent energy and perhaps damaged trust. The first counter‑move is the same as with all hostile patterns: name it — “This is Divide.” Naming slows reactivity, cues your protocols, and invites others into shared ground.

2. Recognition: Signals & Setups

Common Signals

  • “They said…” relays without names, screenshots, or context.
  • Requests to “keep this secret” about a shared project.
  • People avoid direct contact; they prefer intermediaries.
  • Two allies report different “final” versions of the same decision.
  • You feel loyal to one person and suspicious of another without facts.

Typical Setups

  • Decisions made in DMs, not in shared spaces.
  • No written recap after meetings; memories drift.
  • Ambiguous roles; unclear authority lines.
  • Time pressure to respond before you can verify.

3. Field Stories (Clinic, Team, Family)

Story A — Clinic Triangulation

A client messages: “Your assistant was rude; don’t tell them I told you.” Emotion spikes. The healer breathes, names it—Divide—and replies: “I take this seriously and only address service issues in a shared thread so we can fix them well. I’m moving this to a group email with [assistant] and we’ll align on facts and next steps.” In the shared thread, tone and context clarify: the “rudeness” was a firm policy reminder. The client feels heard, the assistant feels protected, and the policy gets re‑explained kindly.

Story B — Team: The Silent CC

A project lead gets a forwarded screenshot of a teammate “questioning their vision.” Instead of confronting privately (which would deepen the triangle), the lead posts in the project channel: “I’m seeing questions about scope. Let’s collect them here and close with a recap today at 16:00.” The public thread surfaces real concerns; a revised scope emerges. Resentment drops because the process is visible.

Story C — Family Wedge

A relative calls to complain about another relative: “Don’t tell them I said this, but…” You pause: “I only discuss issues when all involved can hear and speak. I’ll invite them to a call.” The wedge dissolves or reveals itself; either way, you aren’t the courier of conflict.

4. Defense Protocol — Collapse the Triangle

Summary: Name it → Move to shared channel → Confirm facts → Decide roles → Recap publicly.
  1. Name it: “This is Divide.” Say it aloud or write it at the top of your note.
  2. Move the conversation to a shared channel: group email, project thread, or meeting with all relevant parties.
  3. Confirm facts: ask for specifics (who/what/when/where) and attach evidence (links, docs, timestamps).
  4. Decide roles & authority: who is Responsible, Accountable, Consulted, Informed (RACI).
  5. Recap publicly: a brief, neutral summary of agreements, owners, and due dates posted where all can see.

5. Boundary Scripts (ready to copy)

Short & Neutral

  • “Let’s keep this on a shared thread.”
  • “I’ll confirm this directly with them and reply to both of you.”
  • “I don’t address concerns in private DMs. Please include all stakeholders.”
  • “I need specifics (who/what/when). Then we’ll align in writing.”

De‑Triangulation Acknowledgment

Subject: Consolidating this discussion for clarity

Thanks for raising this. To ensure accuracy and fairness, I’m moving this into a shared thread with all relevant people. Please reply here with any specifics (dates, links, screenshots). We’ll agree on next steps and owners in this thread. — [Your name]

When Secrecy Is Demanded

  • “I can’t process this confidentially if it affects shared work. I’ll help once it’s in the open.”
  • “If you need a private listener for personal matters, I can refer you. For team matters, we work transparently.”

6. Five‑Minute Reset (Heart‑Anchor)

  1. Hand on heart (30s): feel the weight of your palm; soften jaw/shoulders.
  2. Breath (120s): inhale 4s / exhale 6s. Whisper: “I return to shared truth.”
  3. Reality check (60s): write three facts you know for sure (names, dates, links).
  4. Bridge move (60s): draft one sentence that moves the convo to a shared thread.
  5. Anchor (30s): touch a black tourmaline or desk edge; feel its solidity before you send.

7. Prevention Structures (Norms, Roles, Rhythm)

Norms

  • No backchannels for decisions. Private DMs can clarify logistics, not alter scope.
  • Public recaps within 24h of any decision‑bearing meeting.
  • Questions live where the work lives (project board, shared doc, CRM).

Roles (RACI)

Task R A C I
Publish policy Ops lead Founder Legal/Comms Team
Client reschedule Assistant Practitioner Client Finance
Website update Dev Product lead Design Support

Rhythm

  • Weekly sync (30–45m): surface misalignments early.
  • Shared dashboards: status, owners, due dates visible.
  • End‑of‑week recap: what changed, what didn’t, what’s next.

8. Templates: Shared Thread & Decision Recap

Shared Thread Template

Subject: Consolidated thread — [Topic]

  • Context: 2–3 sentences; link to prior notes.
  • Facts so far: bullets with dates/links.
  • Decision needed: the specific question to resolve.
  • Proposed owners: R/A/C/I filled in.
  • Deadline: date/time for decision and first step.

Decision Recap (Post‑Meeting)

  • Decision: …
  • Owner (A): …
  • Next action (R): … by …
  • Consulted (C): …
  • Informed (I): … (link to this recap)
  • Review date: …

9. Mediation & Escalation Ladder

  1. Direct written alignment (shared thread) — 24–48h.
  2. Live call with agenda — 30m; recorder or scribe captures outcomes.
  3. Neutral third‑party (internal or external) if facts remain contested.
  4. Scope change or exit if norms are repeatedly violated.

10. Metrics (Are we drifting apart?)

Signal Green Yellow Red
Unresolved rumors 0 1–2 3+ this week
Decisions without recaps <10% 10–30% >30%
Private vs. shared messages on project topics <30% private 30–60% private >60% private
Weekly sync attendance >90% 70–90% <70%

11. Pitfalls & Edge Cases

  • Confidential HR/Safety issues: Some matters must start private. Use a documented HR or safeguarding channel; still produce a sanitized recap of outcomes where appropriate.
  • “Anonymous feedback” used as a weapon: Accept patterns, not unverified specifics. Invite named, accountable input.
  • Two allies both “right” but mis‑scoped: Return to RACI and mission; scope is the referee.
  • “Don’t tell them I said this” pressure: Decline to carry messages. Offer to host a joint call.

12. Integrations with the Handbook

  • Module 5 (Protective Protocols): open/close rituals around tough conversations.
  • Module 8 (Communication): crisis comms cadence; tone and timing.
  • Module 9 (Resilient Ops): shared tools, access, and policy pages that reduce drift.

13. FAQs

What if moving to a shared thread escalates conflict?

Escalation is data. If someone resists visibility, the issue may be the lack of visibility. Use the ladder: shared thread → live call → neutral third party.

Isn’t some private discussion healthy?

Yes—relationship‑building and emotional processing can happen privately. Decisions and policies belong where they can be seen.

How do I handle a client who refuses shared communication?

Offer one clear path (email/portal). If they refuse, you may not be a fit. Protect your practice and other clients by maintaining boundaries.

14. Closing: Keep the Circle Whole

Triangles fracture trust; circles sustain it. When you collapse a triangle, you don’t take sides—you restore the field where truth can land.

Divide dissolves when conversations are visible, roles are clear, and decisions are recapped. Protect the circle and your work stays strong.

Quick Reference (Copy & Pin)

  • Name it: “This is Divide.”
  • Move to shared channel: group email/thread/meeting with all parties.
  • Confirm facts: specifics + evidence.
  • Roles: R/A/C/I set before action.
  • Recap publicly: decisions, owners, dates.
  • Scripts: “Let’s keep this on a shared thread.” • “I’ll confirm this directly with them.”
  • Prevention: no‑backchannel norms; weekly syncs; written recaps.
  • 5‑min practice: hand on heart; 4‑6 breathing; write 3 facts; send bridge sentence.
  • Tool ally: black tourmaline (boundary anchor).

Educational content only. This does not replace professional medical, psychological, legal, or security advice. Practice within your scope; refer to qualified professionals when appropriate.

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